Wonder…

What it’s like to be in love with someone so….
angry at times, and sad at times, but worst so insecure at times.

I wonder what it’s like to pay for her heartbreaks in the past.
To open myself up completely. To give her everything.
And to tell her my most hidden away memories. And to even let her question them in chronological order.
Until she feels satisfied knowing. As psycho as that is.

I wonder what it’s like to be caught in a sudden storm of bad moods.
And worst, in a season of bad health. From aches to shakes to it just plain hurts.
To deal with her when her world spins out of focus. And the aftermath that follows it.
I wonder if it’s the rotten attitude that makes the last strand.
Or is it arguments in which every single thing I say is wrong, that is, if she will even let me speak.

I wonder what it’s like to constantly be demanded of my life long commitment to her.
To be asked for the material things I don’t know if I could afford.
For the things I don’t know if anyone could afford.
To be asked if I love her more than any past and future.

I wonder what it’s like to help her every single step of the way. In money and math.
When I have my own pile of worries. And she doesn’t even know where to begin to help me.
To always give but not expect anything in return.

I wonder what it’s like to deal with someone
who’s psycho, crazy, and unrealistic.
Who wants my undivided attention every minute of every day.
Someone who gets mad at the things I don’t do wrong.
And doesn’t take into consideration the things I do do right.

I wonder if these things are little tribulations that makes up the day.
Or if they would keep me up at night.

I wonder if it’s something I can put up with forever.
Or will I get fed up and say it’s been enough.
Or wake up and realize it’s been a one way street.

I wonder if I can help her.

Advertisement